Essence of You
by His Little LabRat
Summary: [Warning: SLASH. BumblebeeSam] Sam and Bee both contemplate their emotions as they feel for each other. Sorrow, joy, regret, guilt, and comfort are all that come with the price of being in love with an alien robot. [Essence of You  series, more to come!]
1. For You, I Was And Always Will Be

WARNING: SLASH CONTENT INVOLVED. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT. Yeah, yeah, I know… slash, slash, slash. Yeah. I KNOW. But really, it's a FAN FICTION and we can do almost whatever we want with it, but, seriously, if you don't like it, don't read it. [Or get a life; don't bug me if you don't like it. I suggest both getting a life and not reading it if you don't like it.

8888888888888

Sam fell down on his bed, sighing, the deep night abyss of his room closing in around him. A white light flashed, but he didn't move. Bumblebee was… doing whatever Bumblebee likes to do. Mikaela flashed to his mind, but he wiped the thought away with grudging regret. He didn't want to see her right now, he closed his eyes and the shades of black flickered. Bumblebee's light was still going, and Sam opened his eyes to see Bumblebee waved in his window sill. He sat up, and looked at be, mouthing 'what are you doing?'

Bumblebee paused, and waved his hands, motioning to come outside. Bee ducked back down, and the flashing stopped.

Sam sat down and put his shoes back on. Aching on his feet, he looked out the window. Bumblebee sat the base of his window, and gazed up at Sam, smiling in the way Bumblebee did. Sam waved and jumped back from the window. Bumblebee stood up, his yellow seeming to fade against the dim streetlamps of the night. Bee was silhouetted against them, seeming to give off a warm, joyous glow.

"Come on," Bee whispered as soundlessly as he could, and jump up, flipped, and transformed back into the Camaro. "Hurry up, Sammy."

Sam hustled in a breath, and scampered out the door, trying to be silent. After all, it was 2 in the morning.

The trees ran by in a green-brown daze, the road a black and yellow blur. _Like Bumblebee…_ Sam though subconsciously, with a light smile. He shook his head and looked to the purple-black sky of night. Sam took in a breath and released it slowly, opening his eyes again to see Bee's yellow and black hood roaring in front of him. _So relaxing,_ Sam though. _Being with Bumblebee…_Sam's eyes began to close, and they finally pushed shut. Colors blurred, and came into a picture. It looked like a small boy, with yellow-brown hair, like a light almond, and some, almost random, black streaks. He had adorably, beautiful blue eyes. He had a kind, cute smile and he was hugging a small bumblebee plushie (the actual bug!). The young boy smiled kindly, sweetly, _cutely_ again, blushing so lightly. It made Sam smile with joy.

Suddenly, Sam snapped awake and shook his head like crazy, looking out to the hood of the car. Bumblebee had stopped, and trees were surrounding them. It was dark, but the canopy of trees let in the faint light, almost like a ring out light, a halo almost, around Bumblebee.

"Where are we going, Bumblebee?" he asked, looking in all directions of the forest. How long had he been daydreaming about the little boy? Too long, he supposed…

"I'll show you," Bumblebee said, switching the car off. "_I'm_ going to show you." He added. _Click!_ The door unlocked, it flipped out, wavering gently. Sam stepped out slowly, cautiously.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, still taking in his surroundings.

"I'd like you to meet," Bumblebee said, a flash of light, adding curiosity to Sam's eyes. "Bumblebee." He finished, and Sam began to spin around as he spoke.

"But, Bee," He said. "I already know-" he was cut short was he turned around to see a handsome man, much like the little boy he saw. He was as tall as Sam, with yellow and black hair. He had the same beautiful blue eyes, and pale, delicate and smooth skin. He wore a yellow jacket, with black endings and edges. It had an Autobot symbol on its chest, with a bumblebee buzzing around it. He wore dark blue jeans, and he leaned against the hood of the Camaro.

"This is Bumblebee," Bumblebee said. "It's me!" He shouted with glee, the _human_ actually saying it in unison with the car.

Sam's heart pounded hard, and he thought he would faint or die of joy. Why was he feeling like this? So… so happy?

Music began to beat from the car speakers as the human Bumblebee wrapped his arms around Sam. My Immortal by Evanescence poured from the speakers gently, soothingly.

"_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, and I held your hand through all of these years… But you still have…All of me."_

Bumblebee sang, his soft, worded breath whispered gently into Sam's ear. Sam blushed lightly.

Why… why? Why did he feel like this? Why was Bee doing this? Sam squinted as Bee took his shoulders, blushing. He rubbed Sam's arms, going down to his chest, feeling him gently with his fingertips. He stood behind him, the words of the song in his ear.

Why… why?

Why did it turn out like this? Of all the ways? Sam wanted to break free, to run, to run away from him… but he didn't want to now. He wanted to relax, to melt away his cares with Bumblebee… _for Bumblebee_…


	2. Thoughts Hit&Runs

WARNING: SLASH CONTENT INVOLVED. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT. Yeah, yeah, I know… slash, slash, slash. Yeah. I KNOW. But really, it's a FAN FICTION and we can do almost whatever we want with it, but, seriously, if you don't like it, don't read it. [Or get a life; don't bug me if you don't like it. I suggest both getting a life and not reading it if you don't like it. Well, yeah… it was all just like 'BLARGH! SUDDEN INSPIRATION!' from reading all the Slashes. I think I'm going crazy [again…. Huzzah[I think… x.x Augh… enjoy, my petty fellows. Of course, there is much more to come! I will also be doing other series part in _Essence of You_ to some other pairings. [Thanks again.

8888888888888

Sam's pulse raced, coursing through his veins. He was tired, but wide awake. He wanted to sleep, but his mind raced to fast for him to stop now.

"I'm in love with my car," Sam mumbled to himself. "I have a girlfriend who knows my car's a big alien robot, my parents are stupid, and I'm going crazy." Sam said, sighing. He rolled over to his photography camera; he began skimming through the pictures, all the ones at the beginning of the yellow and black Camaro. He frowned when the next picture was Mikaela, knowing she'd hate him if she figured out he was in love with his car. Or to think, how his parents would react!? How odd… just the way he imagined it made him shiver.

Well… he spent more time with his car then he did with anyone else… so why would it matter anyway? He loved his car either way, before or after. He sighed again and rolled back over.

He pondered how he'd break it to Mikaela; how he'd tell her he was in love with an alien robot. His best friend at that… oh the questions! Too many 'if this, if that' questions came to mind. He didn't want to talk, think or even look at Mikaela right now. Not with Bumblebee all over his mind, every sight, every thought that lingered around him. He mistook things for Bumblebee, and would get excited and happy, but when they appeared only shadows he'd plummet into isolation once again.

It had been days since Bumblebee had left on a mission with Optimus, though Optimus had apologized many times for taking him. None of the other Autobots had any idea. He sighed, and wondered how Bee was doing right now. Bumblebee could be anywhere, and he didn't even truly know if Bumblebee loved him like Sam liked Bee, more than Sam had ever liked Mikaela.

He rolled around on his bed, contemplating, hours and hours on end.

How long will it be… until Bumblebee gets back?

8888888888888

His heart sank into his feet after so long, a week and a day, from when Bumblebee left. So depressed! Looking at his computer, the picture of the little Bumblebee struck his mind. He reached for his digital painter, and began drawing carefully, making every hair, facial texture, color, complete and accurate. It turned out cute, just like he pictured the child.

Benjamin.

That's what he'd name him, Benjamin.

It was an adorable name, which followed suit when Sam laughed his nickname. 'Bennie,' he laughed, smiling, blushing just gently. He was soft, cute looking, like the way Sam had seen him.

8888888888888

Days had passed, and Sam walked, _trudged_ really, home. He had the picture of Bennie in his mind, comparing Bennie to Bumblebee. A random scene of Sam popped in, and Sam nodded, determined in some way. Bennie was his child… _their_ child. If they could have one that is… he looked to the sky, his backpack dead-weight on his shoulders. How much longer would Bumblebee be gone from him? So long…

"Witwicky, Witwicky." A voice said, repeating his name over and over. Sam looked around, making sure no other humans were nearby. Cost clear, just in case. He glanced around, to see a tiny, silver robot walking straight towards him, finding sneaky ways to blend in, to hide. What a poor job of hiding, at least.

"Oh no," Sam said. "Not you again." Sam frowned, looking at the silver Decepticon, Frenzy. "You took my favorite pants, you little-" he mumbled, lunging for Frenzy. Frenzy ducked out of the way, and Sam rolled and sat up. Frenzy blasted back, tearing up Sam's cheek, cool blood droplets dampening his face.

Blue lights flashed as sirens went off, and Sam's head darted to the Decepticon police vehicle – Barricade. Frenzy had him pinned on the ground before he knew it, and Frenzy said something to Barricade Sam couldn't understand. Barricade's window rolled down, a hologram man sitting in the seat. It sparked, its head darting over to Sam.

"LadiesMan217, Samuel Witwicky," the hologram spoke, the door of the vehicle jarring open, rushing by Sam's face with a _whip_. "You will be punished." The hologram said, lunging for Sam as Frenzy ducked out of the way, and Sam rolled just in time to dodge Barricade's holo. Sam darted up, and sprinted off, and Frenzy bleated something that Sam didn't understand. He legs felt heavy as they carried him, whizzing by houses on the run. His chest heaved for air, but he couldn't catch any.

Something yellow and black whizzed by, and Sam jolted to a stop. The door on the passengers' seat door whipped out as the Camaro made a U-turn and came back to Sam.

"In," a voice said, so familiar to Sam that he jumped right in. The door flipped shut, and the engine roared, turning again, they were off as quickly as they had started.

Sam's chest heaved, his lungs burning.

"I never… knew I could… run… that fast," Sam panted. He swallowed as he turned his head to the drivers' seat. "No one is… driving…" Sam said, deeply breathing.

"Oh, no worries," Bumblebee said. "I shall drive." The same, human hologram appeared, driving the yellow and black Camaro.

Sam stopped panting soon afterward, Bumblebee pulling a cool bottle of water almost out of nowhere.

It was quiet most of the ride, a solemn silence built up between them.

"Sam," Bumblebee said uneasily. "What is love? There are so many interpretations, but they are not all the same. Many people describe 'love' as an emotion that make you 'warm and fuzzy inside', but many wise men describe 'love' as a wanting for someone."

Sam gave Bumblebee an odd look, but he didn't respond to anything, thinking for a minute.

"Were you looking up Fan Fictions again, Bumblebee?" Sam asked, giving the hologram an odd smile. The hologram shrugged, and didn't look away from the road.

There was another silence, but only thoughts floated in the air. The Camaro stopped at a river, smooth and almost silent. The hologram vanished, and Sam frowned. It felt like Bumblebee had left him alone. The door next to Sam popped open and Sam hopped out. He stood still, looking to his surroundings slowly, taking them deep into his memory. The sun was setting on the horizon, and Sam's heart pounded.

Bumblebee's sensors went wild with Sam; his vision was overcome by him, Sam's pheromone levels peaking along with his heart.

Sam looked to Bumblebee, and the hologram appeared again, flickering gently. The flickering stopped and Bumblebee looked to Sam. He didn't say anything, nothing being said in his blue eyes. Sam blinked, and the hologram leaned against the hood of the Camaro speechlessly. There was a heavy silence, and Sam's foot moved forward, followed by his other after long last. He moved toward Bumblebee almost cautiously, carefully. His heart treaded when Bumblebee looked to him, generosity gleaming in his eyes. A hot lust burned in Sam's heart, but he knew he had to ignore it… for what if Bumblebee didn't feel for him? Sam frowned at the thought, and gave a meek smile when Bumblebee smiled when Sam leaned against the hood next to Bee.

Sam flustered, and his cheeks turned a beautiful rosy red that made them burn on his face. Sam looked at his feet, and Bumblebee looked at him curiously, and then looked away.

"Will you answer my questions truthfully, Sam?" Bumblebee asked, watching the sun as it gently floated on the horizon. Sam looked at him.

"It all depends," Sam said. "What's your question?"

"What is love?" Bumblebee asked, his eyes flickering back to Sam.

"Well, love is…" Sam started, stopping short, thinking again. "Love is… like, a gutting, or warm, feeling you get in your gut when you're around someone." He said, and Bumblebee held his stomach, looking at Sam. Sam flustered, thinking again. "Love is… when you want to make someone happy." Bumblebee said nothing for a minute, and there was a funny, awkward silence.

"Are you… happy, Sam?" Bumblebee asked him, breaking the silence. Sam faltered, not knowing what to say. Instead, Sam nodded timidly. Bumblebee smiled. "I'm glad." He said, with a meek laugh.

Sam didn't know what to say, but he scooted closer to Bee, and Bee shyly followed suit. They were side-by-side, and Sam bent over to Bumblebee's cheek, kissing it gently, and the warmth surged through him. Bumblebee ducked his head just afterward, his hair covering his eyes from Sam's gaze. Sam felt ashamed now, and he turned his head away, regret raging in his every move.

The silence seemed sodden, and with Sam's head turned to reveal his neck, Bumblebee lifted his head. He inched closer, laying a light lip-touch on Sam's neck. Blush faltered on Sam's cheek, but he gave in, turning to Bumblebee.

"Yes," he finally answered. "I'm so happy… with you."

Bumblebee breathed in his ear, whispering something Sam didn't understand. He didn't care though, because they were Bumblebee's words. He just didn't care… Bumblebee…

Sam sat upright in bed, panting. He had no idea what was going on, his chest heaving, his lungs flaring and his heart happy. Thoughts and questions rushed in his head and he remember, the memories coming back now. Barricade and Frenzy… _Bumblebee_… Bumblebee! He thought; images running though his head. He flipped up his pants legs, knowing a scratch should be there. There is was… the scratch, still like it was when he was with Bumblebee. Was he… really with Bumblebee at all?

His head darted around the room, shelves, computer, door, but no Bumblebee. Sam frowned, screening the room on last time. His eyes focused in on a yellow jacket, and Sam flung himself out of bed to the jacket. It was only his jacket… hanging on his shelf. Sam leaned forward, touching it, running his fingers over the silky fabric. He frowned, knowing Bumblebee wasn't there.

Sam sat back down on his bed quietly.

Was it all just a dream? Just a figment of his imagination… that dream he had? Had Bumblebee really…-? No, he couldn't have… could he? He wouldn't have! Would… he? Sam shook his head, plopping down on the bed silently. He gave a long sigh, as he heard a song blaring from in the next room. He forgot he had turned on the radio, and he turned his head to the door from which is sung.

_I hold on so nervously, to me and my drink. I wish it was cooling me, but so far, has not been good. It's been shitty, and I feel awkward, as I should._

Sam looked on heavily, his eyes unfocused on the walls that surrounded the radio. He blinked, once, and stared ominously. He slowly closed his eyes, his breath almost silent, very still and faint.

_The most pretentious thing, since I thought you and me. Well I am imagining, a dark lit place. Or your place or my place… Well I'm not paralyzed, but, I seem to be struck by you. I want to make you move because you're standing still. If your body matches, what your eyes can do, you'll probably move right through me on my way to you!_

The radio sang out, Sam's low breaths equalizing the beat to the song. Oh. Why must his radio torment him so? How could it be that his radio could sing and say what he felt? Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Sam could have sworn to God, to Primus for all he cared, something was _echoing_ his radio. Sam's eyes fluttered open, and he sat up slowly, as if he had just woke up from a long, restful sleep. Something flickered in his window, going from a yellow light to the same, black night he was used to. Sam blinked once or twice; he lost count. Then, the yellow light came on again.

He felt lost, so dearly lost. Bumblebee, you'd better have a good reason for this! Sam stood up, and stretched, walking slowly over to his window, feeling wobbly and unbalanced. He unlatched his window, and it swooped open with a gentle creak. He looked out below, his eyes tracing the ground, fluttering with fireflies and streetlamp lights. He didn't see anything. Sam spun around, confused. Was Bumblebee even _here_, at all? Sam, stunned at sound, flipped back around in time to see a yellow streak of a car (was it even a car at all?) swerve out of his driveway in rapid movement, and fling itself down the street in a yellow and black and blue daze. The darkness settled back in as the yellow car streaked down the hill, the disappearance of its red taillights.

Sam was taken aback, still confused. He bit his lips together, and pieced it together. He stood a few steps away from his window, silently. A streak of red roared down the street, almost like his car had, and swerved, stopping at his driveway, parallel parking. The engine roared, but it didn't move, and it slowly quieted as its gears shifted, a light churning noise echoing across the black night. The red cars headlights flickered at Sam. It had a racing fender, and… an Autobot symbol on the side of its license plate. Wide-eyed, Sam blinked and rubbed his eyes, but the red car was still there, churning its engine. It waited, and then its headlights flickered, revealing no drive in the front seat.

Sam, confused and rushing, spun around and lunged for his coat. Swinging his coat over his shoulder, he burst out the door, still trying to be silent, and darted down the stairs. He swung open the door, but flipped back around silently to shut it. He raced towards the car in a heaving mess of panic, and the front door swung open. Sam climbed in quickly, and the seatbelt fastened as he climbed into the passengers' seat. He sat, waiting quietly for the car to say something as the tires screeched into life, and it roared down the street in an empty echo.

"Where's Bumblebee?" Sam asked, watching as house after house passed by in his window. "And besides that, who are you?" Sam asked, and was answered by nothing. A hologram sparkled into the front seat, pretending to drive. This hologram defiantly was _not_ Bumblebee. He had shaggy, deep auburn hair and fair, light tan skin. His eyes were a black flame that burned with flecks of gold and deep green.

Sam's heart beat swiftly as the hologram, nor the car, said nothing still. Sam looked away, silently, feeling overwhelmed by devastating shame… that he himself didn't even know why.

"My name," spoke the hologram and Sam's head swung to the holo. "Is Sideswipe. Bumblebee is… going to be away for a little while." Sam frowned at that. It sounded more like Bumblebee died than sped off down the street. Through the hazy distance, the darkness seemed to evaporate as a yellow flash of Bumblebee sped past, or if at all it was Bumblebee. Sam blinked slowly after it pasted, as if longing his return, like he'd been waiting for Bumblebee to return for days, months… years. Sam shivered at the thought of never seeing Bumblebee for that long.

Sam's line of vision swept back to Sideswipe, who looked at him with concern.

"It'll be alright," Sideswipe said, laying a gentle, warm and on his shoulder. "Don't you worry, Bumblebee will be fine, and will return shortly after his last departure." Sideswipe assured, raising his hand to gently ruffle Sam's hair. Sideswipe's hand fell back to his side, and he gave Sam a reassuring, kind and gentle smile.

At one point, Bumblebee had told Sam about Sideswipe. He said good things about him, including one where Bumblebee was still a sparkling, and that he had known Sideswipe, and his vain twin brother – Sunstreaker – all of his life. Sam wondered what Sunstreaker was like, if Sideswipe was like this.

Sam blinked at Sideswipe, wondering how he could look so human, so human like Bumblebee did. How could they be so perfect, so human when they were at all human in anyway? Sam pondered this for a long time, but he never asked anything. He wouldn't either, unless someone knew for him.

Sam sighed, looking out the window, into the darkness of the everlasting night, the houses, trees, whizzing by as Sideswipe sped like lightening down the road, churning to the music that played from his stereo system. Sam closed his eyes, knowing it was going to be a long – and feel - like a long without Bumblebee.


End file.
